When you’re considering pregnancy, you know your body will change as your baby grows and again after you give birth. You anticipate your heart will expand as you welcome a new addition to the family. But it might come as a surprise that the brains of new moms change as well.
You may have heard of “mommy brain” or “momnesia,” labels used when a new mom experiences cognitive changes including forgetfulness or a lack of sharpness.
“You might feel frazzled, or like you can’t coordinate, can’t plan,” says UNC Health certified nurse-midwife Shannon Keller. “You forget little things, like where your keys are or something you needed at the grocery store. You feel a little off, compared to what you’re normally able to do.”
This change can be disorienting for someone used to juggling multiple balls at work and at home. Keller explains why it’s common to experience these changes during pregnancy and new parenthood and provides tips for adapting.
Causes of Mommy Brain
Most people struggle cognitively after one night of bad sleep, so the significant sleep changes associated with pregnancy and the newborn stage are going to have an effect.
“During pregnancy and the postpartum period, you’re not going to get good or consistent sleep,” Keller says. “When you’re not sleeping well, you can’t have the expectation that you will be able to do all the things you usually do. You can’t plan, process or analyze like you normally would, because your executive function is not the same.”
The rapid hormonal fluctuations during pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding may also affect short-term memory. And it’s natural for some of your priorities to shift as you prepare for a child, which is why you might forget your dry cleaning because you were researching strollers.
Some research has even shown that the brain physically changes during pregnancy, with MRI scans showing that some parts of the brain become smaller and others become larger, perhaps preparing the mother for her new role.
“You learn all of a baby’s cries, all of the cues of what they need,” Keller says. “There’s an innate response of a mom protecting her baby, and other things are not as important.”
While scans have shown that physical changes to a woman’s brain can last for at least two years after she gives birth, you may not feel forgetful or frazzled for that long.
“For a first-time parent, it may take longer to adapt to this big change, but it really depends on the person,” Keller says. “It can also depend on the support a person has at home.”
Preparing for Mommy Brain
Keller encourages parents-to-be to identify their potential needs and sources of support before their child arrives; that makes it easier to ask for help when you’re feeling frazzled or sleep-deprived.
“Sit down with your partner or your family, and talk about how you want to spend that time of transition after baby,” she says. “Consider what ways people can help you, what things will be easy to delegate and what you want to do yourself.”
That list will look different for everyone; while many new parents are eager for a meal delivery, others might prefer doing their own cooking but would welcome help with a grocery store run. Some may be eager for social connection and an extra pair of hands so they can meet a friend for coffee; others will feel most like themselves if they can steal away for 15 minutes with a book.
Most importantly, if someone offers to help, let them—and ask for specific actions. Keller recommends keeping a list on the fridge of things you need help with. That way, when people come to visit, they’ll know the things that need to be done and can take on an errand or assignment without having to ask, or you can read something off the list to a person who calls.
If your budget allows, you might consider hiring a postpartum doula to help with infant care, feeding and your own recovery.
“Having a baby is a big change, and it can affect your confidence because it doesn’t always come naturally to feel like you’ve got everything handled,” Keller says. “It takes work and support. Advocate and ask for what you need from people who want to help.”
Coping with Mommy Brain in the Postpartum Period
If you considered yourself a multitasking high achiever before baby, it’s important to remember that you won’t be able to do it all in the postpartum period, and you shouldn’t compare yourself to another new mom on social media who might seem like she’s doing more than you.
“There’s a lot of societal pressure to do all the things, but you have to prioritize and weed out things that are not necessary,” Keller says.
You may feel that you have to send out birth announcements or social media updates and then become frustrated when you can’t find where you wrote down a friend’s new address, but the true “must-do” tasks are simple (though far from easy): feed and change your baby, rest and sleep, and take care of your personal needs.
While isolated incidents of mommy brain are not a cause for concern, Keller says you should speak to your healthcare provider if your forgetfulness includes basic needs—forgetting to eat all day is much different than misplacing your car keys. If you continue to not feel like yourself, or if your loved one expresses concern, it could be a sign of a mood disorder.
Above all, be kind to yourself and remember that your brain is doing amazing things for your child.
“You’re working to know this baby better than anyone else will, and you’re keeping another human alive,” Keller says.
If you’re concerned about your health after having a baby, talk to your provider. Need a provider? Find one near you.The post Mommy Brain Explained: Coping with Forgetfulness After Baby first appeared on UNC Health Talk.
